Available for wedding, funerals, baptisms, bar-mitzvahs (I know the plural is Bar Mizvoth!), anything really.
My diocese officially does not have anything for me to do. And of course they're paying me to do nothing all day long! I can do a spot of cover here and there (only one hour on a Sunday morning), but that's it. I'm not entirely sure what I should do for the rest of the time. I already knit socks. And embroider. And do a spot of DIY on altars. And make candlesticks. And still managed to hold down a full time teaching post and chaplain to a school. Gosh my days are going to be so full now.
Apparently I have to wait for someone to retire or die. I shall be rather like Angela Lansbury in "Murder She Wrote", as soon as she turns up, the corpses begin to pile high. So if any priest sees me coming they should run a mile. I'll be carrying a pension book with their name on it, or a wet pillow.
If ANYONE talks to me about a vocations crisis in this diocese I shall shove my breviary down their throat.